“Real Moms” and “Tummy Moms”
A few months back I had a conversation with one of my littles about bio moms, adoptive moms, stepmoms and raising other people’s kids.
If I’m honest, it’s a talk I’ve been dreading. What would I say at the hard parts, about why the mommies didn’t raise the kids? Or what about the sex part, I’m not ready for that! But because he persisted and continued to ask questions, I knew I couldn’t let fear continue to lead me. I had to open my mouth and trust God to handle the details that came out.
You see, our family and our extended family, like many, came about in its own unique way.
Many of us are raising kids we didn’t birth. Many of my friends are raising kids they didn’t birth. The term “REAL MOM” has always stung for me. Perhaps because I am not all my kids “real mom”- but I am very much, REALLY their mom! Every day, in every way.
As I started out my talk with my inquisitive 7-year-old, I told him the term “tummy mom”. “Some people have a tummy mom, who gives birth to them and then another mommy actually raises them and becomes their mom. Some people have a tummy mom that is the same person as the mommy that raises them.”
He looked interested and somewhat confused. “So ___ has a tummy mom but now auntie is their mom?” Yes. “So __ had a different tummy mom and now you’re their mom?” Yes, baby. “Oh. Well, I don’t think it really matters which person is your tummy mom. Your family is just your family. Right?” Exactly baby.
And he never ever brought it up again.
I complicated something in my head so much that a child sees just for what it is. A family is a family and love is love.
Let the children lead the way.